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New MacBook Pro (2018) – Teaching a First-Timer – Krazy Ken's Tech Misadventures


– There's my favorite little friend – Oh shh- – It's my USB dog! – What?! – From ancient times! – Oh my gosh this is kinda like the Cowdog

This is like the cow dog from Claris Works – Ain't it great – So that's the touch bar in a – That's weird – In a nutshell – How useful is that it's another thing that can break isn't it – Yeah it is (both laughs) – That's all you got

– That's about all I got – Correct the end, we out (beeping) (upbeat music) (laughter) – [Ken] We're two minutes into the tape and we haven't even started – [Beth] Oh were we supposed to? – No we weren't this is what supposed to – Ge-wiz – All right (coughs) Hey guys (both laughs) – What that's not how it opens

– Yes it is how it opens I – Oh okay my bad – say "Hey guys how are you all doing, really that's just great

" That's how I open it – I'ma crying now sorry okay Quiet nope quiet on the set – Oh my head – Jeepers

– And that goes for you too refrigerator – I think your refrigerator just gave you a finger, but that's okay – He probably did, I turned him off All right (both chuckles) (Beth makes chicken sounds) – Do they really get to see this? – Yeah patrons get to see deleted scenes yeah

– Ah – The content is free but there's a paygate if you want to have like your name in the show credits, or if you want to – Totally worth it man

– (both) Totally worth it – See now this has to go to the organic path so people know to convert to Patreon so – Oh okay – Yeah all good, I'll just get my crack marketing team on that right now Yeah exactly

– Crickets Was that crickets I heard? – Or was it the refrigerator (girl makes chicken sounds) – Yeah apparently my refrigerator goes (chicken noises) (chicken-like refrigerator sounds) – I honestly thought you had chickens here I was just like okay

– There is chicken in the fridge it's just not, – Apples, chickens it's cooked – Apples, chickens oh gush Apple, peach, apple, peaches Did I say GUSH?! (both laughs) Or did I say goo sh? – Totally using

– Like goofy goo sh Hey guys how are y'all doing, really that's just great I'ma doing pretty great too, because I am here with Blonde Beth today

– Aww! – Yeah Aww, for the first time ever for a new segment on the show that she actually came up with Computers for Blondes – Yay! – Yes now full disclaimer she is blonde so she can make those jokes

– Yeah – obviously the hair color has nothing to do with your intellect – No no – This is purely her idea so if there is any complaints, which there shouldn't be call the 1-800 fuck – Oh gosh

– Call the 1-800 number on the bottom of your screen, and they will answer your call and help you out So let's take a look here so you have a new MacBook Pro here You have been given this as a gratuitous gift from the apple – You just smudged it right there look at that – I just, no

– Get that thing right there – That's the problem with these shiny apples logos everything so – Okay now don't touch it again – Don't touch it ever again – Apple open, dang it

It doesn't work – I don't think that feature works – I thought this was supposed new and improved – Could you imagine like if they, its just like (buzzing) – I'd be impressed

– Yeah I would be impressed too – I think I'd be like all right – So here, here's the gist she recently got this new computer but you know the last one you had before was like a six year difference right so there's a lot, – Aah yeah – 5 years maybe – Ish

– So there's a lot of feature changes so we need to kinda go through it, and get it set up and make sure aa she knows how to use it and she's off and running right – Yeah you know blondes, computers yeah – Yeah you know again no scientific link no corelation, – No no – Coefficient or what ever that math term is The r value is very low in the situation

– Negative correlation and such – Negative correlations, and if you guys don't get the r value joke your probably not old enough to be watching this show so be careful So all right so um, let's get started what do you think – Right now? – Or ten minutes we can just sit here and just do absolutely nothing – Yay! – While the poor guys watch this shit

– Okay okay fine okay let's get started, but look you got smudged again – Oh, I am going to be using this thing a lot – Okay we're ready – Oh, okay here we go – (Blonde Beth) Okay

– (Ken) I just going to clean this off a little bit here – (Beth) Uh, why did it turn on did you press something? – (Ken) No it just turns on when you lift the lid now – (Beth) That's stupid I don't want it to do that I mean if I'ma opening it I not necessarily turning it on, I am just checking to see if its there that's all (laughter and incoherent words) Peak-a-boo

I don't want it to start – (ken) You just want to see if still, oh my gosh it's gone – (Beth) Totally doesn't everybody? – I guess if your really paranoid go ahead login – (beth) well its like a OCD thing oh nope still off, its still off, its still off Its like making sure the light switch is off

So now I am going to open it and instead of it still off its going to turn on – Then you'll be happy about that switch cause there's a guard on it so I always stays (incoherent) – (Beth) okay you got to turn that part off – (Ken) Uh, let's maybe figure that out – (Beth) Oh my gosh what the heck is that – That's called a sand dune – No not that I meant my

– Oh – Okay tada – Here's the Mac book Pro it looks like its, oh yes big and beautiful I do not have one of these with the touch screen bar and the keyboard that some times works – Fancy smancy – So um I know there were a couple of things you wanted to customize, um do you know about the fingerprint scanner? – Ah yeah for your phone

– Yes well actually there's one on here now too so – No way! – That little square there is actually a finger print scanner – This square? – Yeah right there – Its not doing anything though – Well we need to put your finger print in there

– Oh I got it okay – You want to drive or should I? We should set up your (incoherent talk) – Why don't you go its your show man

– Oh and she made fun of my goo sh – Goo sh – So (incoherent noise) – In the system preferences we have touch ID so – Huh – Will let you add a finger print, yeah so if I just – Okay wait wait wait – What if my finger prints are not cooperative is it going to work? – Ah so if – Technology does not like me

– Well technology doesn't like me ether – I know – That's why this show exists – See if we have both of our curses at the same time – Oh no

– What's going to happen here – Implosion – Oh right – The thing is the finger print doesn't actually work you can still type in your password at anytime and by pass it So but for now you got to it in to unlock

– Password safe – Password safe – Oh wait wait, – Yup – Where do I put it, here? – Right there so you see how it says lift and rest so – Ah lift

– You just basically you just keep lifting your finger and – But what's the point of lifting and resting your finger, can it not figure it out on its own? – So it just wants to make sure it scans the hole print – It likes human contact Touch me computer – So you can hit done there, you can touch done there on the touch bar here

– What! Its over there too? – Yeah so like you – Okay but you can't press the screen right? – No you can't press – That just gets finger prints on it – Like that one that's a big finger print – That's you

can you get rid of that please – Sure – Brilliant! – See it worked

No go okay So now your finger print on there – That's amazing cause computers do not like me, and phones do not like me, and finger prints don't usually work I don't know if my fingers are cold or sweaty or just alien – Dampness does sometimes screw it up

– You do know I have alien blood could that screw it up? Seriously AB negative Its like 05% of the population – Seriously – Yeah

– Huh I'm O so – Oh yeah – Oh yeah you can just – You're common – Just save anyone that needs a transfusion – Whatever Anyway – Oh um oh as a as a

– But this does not take blood types it only takes finger prints right – Ah next years model will So that's your finger print so now the weird thing is we just unlock your Mac with it even though we didn't turn on

– Ah what – That's weird – See the curse its actually

– The curse has already struck – They negated each other and did something crazy – Shit Now the real curses, like this was a real issue like space bars would stop working but it feels like your space bars okay so I think your good – It feels weird everything this feels weird too why is it bouncy? Oops

– So – Did I just mess that up – So – Its bouncy – So this actually isn't a button its just a solid state touch pad

The vibration you feel is actually a electromagnet going off It triggers a type of actuator So this is simulated it actually not a button it just feels like it is – That's weird – So like if you tried pushing down on it with a not a gummy bear

This is what I have but a – This is what blonde beth survives on this right here You can sponsor me Haribo – So like if I tried pressing it down with a physical object it would not, it would not press down That does not look like a bear what is that

– I think its a ring – What – Yeah this is the star mix so now I've got a gummy ring – Oh that's completely piratical – And a small coke-a-cola which is true to size with gummy bears

– Oh my gosh so if a bear needs op it feel over – Oh its drunk – The bottle is, that's kinda meta I guess – Totally – Excellent everything is going according to plan

Um what else have you noticed – What is that, what is this thing – That is Siri, yes – No – Do you use Siri on your phone

– Well yeah she's kinda obnoxious – I agree so I turned her off but – I don't want her there cause look it says, I mean I don't want them listening anymore then already do I mean this guys already picking up on all my secrets So I don't want Siri to pick up on my secrets

– Okay well basically yes Siri on your phone – Okay but why did all that other stuff pop up? Where did that come from? It wasn't there a second ago – So this the touch bar it changes based on like the context of what your in, so if your in like a movie player you can like scrub ahead in your video if your in – Wait so that changes based on what's up here? – Right so like right now have buttons Siri privacy cancel enable and you have – Oh its there too

But I don't want her, she needs to go away – Well then you can press cancel on the touch bar or – Cancel

– Yeah there you go – Yeah but its still there I don't want it there – So lets customize the touch bar – You can do that? – Hm-hm – Oh man now there's going to be finger prints Ugh

– Oh no (squeaking sound) – Are you going to add that sound effect? – I just did it with my mouth – I know but okay – That's the best of budget I have So like if your in different applications

Lets say I am in the finder right now You will see the icons change But you can always get to like your volume, your brightness You can press this arrow and get to like all your controls there – Oh

– So do you want to take Siri out yeah Hm Keyboard customize touch bar so now everything starts jiggling – Oh is it – Hm

– Is it though, oh down there – Yeah its jiggling – Ew it is jiggling – So you can put pretty much anything you want in there so like if you don't like Siri you just bring your mouse – No – down here and you pick her – What

– Her up and drag her into the thing – Okay it went all the way into there from there how – Yeah yeah – How is that possible? – So the system knows how to communicate between the two things – Okay that is weird – That's pretty freaky deaky

So lets say um – What if I want to go over here to the right like in space somewhere can I do that or is that just the marvel universe – Um that will be available in the next rom update So we'll put the what do you want in there? The – Well what's in there now? Just volume? – So its so basically this is called the control strip you have your brightness, your volume But if you expand it – Oh what – So this is like your, I'll show you that stuff later this is like your keyboard back light brightness, and a

– Oh I didn't know I could do that – Play, pause, fast forward if your listening to music – Okay but Siri is still there

– No so Siri in the expanded version so what we can do what we can do is – I'm offended – There's two, okay I will delete her for you

So I'll take her and just drag her out – I thought you already did that – No so that was in the short version, there's like a short version – Okay I don't want her there at all – Okay so she's gone

She gone forever, and now we can bring the sleep button in, lets see the sleep button so – Oh yes sleeping is nice – So it makes room for you there So now that's there and in the short cut the truncated thing we can take the sleep button and put that in there as well – Wow

– So now you have your – Okay what happens if your small version gets as big as the big version? – So it just – Then its not as small version anymore – Well yeah it shows you more options but you can still customize it So there's your sleep button – All right, It works

– Wow look at that we've commenced the experiment and have completed it successfully – I how do I wake it back up again – So you can press any key or you can hold down the, put your finger on the thing to – Oh yeah – Yeah and it will unlock So even if you sleep it, so I am going to let it go to sleep if you rest your finger on the finger print scanner with out doing anything else it will also – Wait oh its right there – Yeah its right there it will unlock for you

– Wait – Oh you just got to hold it done a little longer Oh no it says try again – See it doesn't like me Ken – You made a mistake

There you go okay well – I haven't changed my finger prints in the last 5 minutes I swear I mean I did try like rub it off real quick and it was not successful And the acid I found in your bathroom didn't work either – The what

– I was trying to take my finger prints off with the acid – Oh I thought you said ass, what's asses is in my bathroom – No Ken there's a chicken in your fridge – Oh my god – You don't have a hole farm here – No not that I know of, and yes there is a chicken in my fridge it is baked and breaded

– Mm – Mm delicious – But it still making noises I am not so sure – Its probably its a little a little blue – Its a little under done

– Its a little undercooked Oh crap Um anything else with the touch bar I mean, so mine I will show you this my preferences is I like to constantly have on the full version – Now that makes more sense – And then if you press the function key you get your traditional like f1 f2 f3 – I don't care about those

– Okay so I will turn them off You can have the app controls So now if you press function it will show you your tool bar that changes based on what app your in – Oh okay yeah lets do that – So

– That's cool I have no idea of what you just said – So if your in google chrome – This is how I feel when I watch your show Ken – If you hold down the function key that's where you get your tool bar So like your in google chrome right now

So if you hold down the function key depending on what app your in your touch bar changes so its just like what you do in chrome like you have a forward button a back button a refresh button – Oh okay but you have to press that – Well right so like I can change that where constantly stays up, right Now your control strip constantly stays up – No no that makes more sense

– Yeah so that's the touch bar in a nutshell – That's weird Okay but how useful is that its another thing that can break isn't it – Yeah it is – That's all you got

– Yeah that's all I got – Correct the end – If that thing breaks your screwed you don't even have a escape button – But I have my own curse which means – Yeah I honestly have not heard a case of it breaking yet I have heard

– How long have they been out Ken? – 3 years – Well I have had mine now for a month so there's time – God so there's time

I honestly the odds of space bar not working is higher then the touch bar – Why what they do to the space bar? What do they have against it? – They suck at building key boards So when this first came out it a um uses what's called a butterfly switch that's how keys travel So then they ch, there was some issues with that so they introduced a butterfly 2 which helps it with being quieter Cause the first one was really noisy, but sometimes they break and there's been a lot of cases where the keys just not working anymore so

But I think you'll be fine Keep it clean especially if you just keep it clean you'll be good – But people say I am a angry typer like pf ft typer that's a new word a angry typer like (motor sounds) – Typist Um yeah

– Does that mean I'm going to probably break it? – I don't know you Your probable more likely to break it by placing food near the computer at like a gummy bear Oh where did it go? Oh she just ate it – Its okay I got more – As a Ahwaz germaphobe I would, oh my gosh its 2 snakes

– I guess so – I am sick and tired of these mother snakes on my Got to keep it Pg 13 ish – Snakes on a computer – Its snakes on a Mac

Yeah so um what what else did where you curios about? Has anything been giving you trouble? – I don't know I don't know what it does – I think well its a computer – Oh my gosh I got that part – Okay – But mostly what I use is word how exciting is that

– Well I mean I think your find then I mean I think your guchi So ah – Does it do anything cool with if you have word up? When you press the thing or is it – Lets open up word and find out

– Or is it boring Oh I have to drive now – Yeah go ahead you drive – Word – Now that's the older version of word so I am not sure if it will but

– I don't know – We will find out Um lets make a template So lets say we're going to do a – (both in unison)crispy clean resume – I am glad we looked at the same thing

Um no so um this version – It even filled out my name aren't they nice – That's nice This version does not have anything for the touch bar but I think the new version does – Boo! – I am pretty sure the newer version

– Wow that looks like crap look – Do you need juice for your battery? – Yes but here is my big complaint – Okay

– What the heck are these stupid things all over the side? – Okay so these are USBC ports so its pretty much one connection for everything you can charge your computer with it – Why? But nothing has that on it Ken – Well I mean, why do you think I use a computer from 6 years ago So its moving that way a lot of stuff is moving this way data, ethernet, video, power – But now I have to carry around a pouch of dongles and do you know how awkward that is? – Yeah the pouch is this the pouch your talking about

– That's the pouch of dangles – So on this show we call them conversion technology and you have a pouch of conversion technology – I have a pouch of conversion technology – Yes and is a very textured pouch – It is, so if you want to make your own fully pit

– Yes beautiful sound effects – I don't know what that would be for – Well what do you got in there I've actually like never seen this – Okay well not that, what does this do? Its just there it has all sorts of stuff – So they – And it does things

– I think they call it the av adaptor So it um your normal USB type a HDMI for video – Okay so I can plug in one thing and then plug in 3 things – Yeah you can plug in 3 things through the 1 thing

Well this is how it works – Brilliant okay then I don't know there's this one – So this one is thunder bolt 3 to thunder bolt 2 so this end we call USBC but its also a thunder bold 3 which is a type of date protocol thing a maiger And that thunder bolt number 2 that's the older version So that does video

– Okay why did they get rid of that wasn't that their thing? – So that was their thing but everything started moving to USBC because its reversible – Everything what everything in the world, the universe? – Pretty much everything phones everything so like you can plug it in ether direction – What about hair driers? – I don't think there is a USBC hair dryer I think the draw on that would kinda blow up a – What about refrigerators like your chicken – That refrigerator is from like 1991 um so yes they moving to this cause its reversible and has its also thinner its also very thin – Well then there's this one

Is that the same thing? – This is, what the shit – I don't know – Yeah its the same one you have 2 thunder bolt 3 to thunder bold 2 adapters So if you have a older thunder bolt device you can plug it in – Did I steal that from someone? Why would I have two of the same things? – Well sometimes its useful to have more but if you did steal from someone then that's your own problem

– Then there's my favorite little friend – Oh shh- – It's my USB dog! – What?! – From ancient times! – Oh my gosh this is kinda like the cow dog This is like the cow dog from Claris Works – Ain't it great – Its got a bunch of USB ports on it

– Ain't he funny – That's pretty crazy – He's my doggy dongle – The doggy dongle Oh my gosh I love it

So um – No speaking of dongles I had to look up that stupid word I'm like why is it a dongle – I don't know why they call it a dongle – Well I did research – That's why I call it conversion technology

– But I did research – Oh okay – And remember when you said "hey what's that?" On your computer – Oh I said its a pet, I recognized the computer – Okay well apparently they had to use a dongle to get extra memory

– Oh okay – For they computer so it possibly came from there but it was also first mentioned in 1981 which I am assuming is pre-Ken – Yes that is BK – BK, in some kind of magazine someone called it a dongle I just figured that they accidentally change the A to a O Because these dangle so these are now dangles and that's what calling them from now on

– So it makes sense that there's modules to like add more memory and stuff like that expressively in older computers But I don't know where the word dongle came from – Okay well now have to look up my research and see – Well yeah that is interesting – In fact we might need to take a quick break so you can look and see

– I may need to google that shit – Is that a bad word – So we covered all those anything else – I don't I don't know – I think your good

– This is computers for blondes you have to tell me what I need to know – Um – I am smart in other ways Ken I promise – That's true we will put those skills to the test here pretty soon – Ut oh

– Yes I love the doggy dongle – Isn't he cute, he's probably worthless – So mush so – Does he go in one of these? – Yeah he will plug into the other dongle – He lives

– Oh its alive – It actually plugged in and it worked – Oh that's great – So now I can plug 4 other USB things – Uh that's adorable

– He needs a name maybe your viewers can help me – Oh yes viewers what will Blonde Beth's dog be named enter your suggestions below and we shall vote – We'll vote Maybe your prize can be a pack of gummies – Yeah, so everyone thank your for joining us on this first segment of computers for blondes

– Oh my gosh look at the view right now Ken that's pathetic – Well I apologize – That is so aprapo for computers for blondes – Did you say apro – Its all like aprapo its all catty wompise and not in focus what's the matter? – Did you say aprapo does that mean appropriate? – Aprapo – Aprapo – Dude – People give me crap for saying cra-cra

– Aprapro dude its totes correct – Shit all right thank you for joining us on this first segment of computers for blondes and – It might be the last – It might be the last oh my gosh thank you Blonde Beth for being on the show catch the crazy and pass it on

Source: Youtube

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